Think and Wait, Wait and Think
by The Green Sword
Summary: Lois' serious perspective on the events of Season 8 and how her attitude toward Clark has changed. She's starting to realize just how much she feels for him, but has to wait for him to come around. During Lois' time in Star City post-Bride.


AN: All this stuff with Clark and Lana is making me want to barf. I needed some Lois out there for my own sanity and sense of what's right in the universe. Mostly what Lois should be thinking and partly what Clois fans are thinking. Season 8 post-Bride

**Think and Wait, Wait and Think  
**

Of course she had thought about it…the concept of the two of them…Lois and Clark… together.

Over the years, as they had become closer, the idea had occurred to her more than once. She could be honest about that much. But she wouldn't allow herself to figure out just how much she had thought about it. She couldn't admit to herself just how elaborate and happy her fantasies had become. They were just friends. It would be weird and awkward for them to be more. Right?

She hated thinking about how great it could be. So, she had buried those thoughts. She had watched him with other girls and had found other guys. They still teased each other and bickered, but there was more friendship behind it. Time had passed and they had gotten even closer without meaning to or forcing themselves.

But now she didn't know what she wanted.

It was true what she had told Ollie, serious thoughts had just snuck up on her without her even thinking about them as plausible. She had no idea what these feelings actually meant.

She was alone and single now. He was alone and, after the dust on Lana had sort of settled, single as well. Was it just her imagination or were they gravitating towards each more than ever? Were they just desperate to have someone or were their genuine feelings for each other simply having the chance to rise to the light of day? Did he feel any of this from his corn-fed oblivion?

There were just too many questions. And every time she thought she might get an answer to one question she was left hanging with a dozen more questions erupting in her mind.

She started working with him and still didn't know why he was always vanishing from sight, even though she thought she'd be able to wrap up that little mystery in the first week or so. After seeing him so much she thought she'd get annoyed with him more than usual. That was true, but then she also wondered why she was finding so many little things about him that she had never noticed but now adored. Adored? Was she really using that word in the context of Clark? Even seeing Oliver almost die, she thought she'd have some sort of clear picture of the man she wanted. She knew that things wouldn't work out with Ollie again, but did that mean Clark was The One?

She saw him making out with that plastic bimbo in the elevator and thought she knew that he had moved on from Lana, although he had bypassed Lois completely. Then he had gotten out of the elevator to chase her down and Lois wasn't sure if she was his real target or a distraction. The slut had said later that Lois and Clark had a bond. Lois was left to wonder just what that bond was instead of thinking Clark was once again beyond her reach. The psycho jeweler had kidnapped her and forced her to admit her love for Clark. Just when she thought Clark would have a chance to admit his true feelings, one way or the other for her, he had been able to weasel his way out of it. She was plagued by possible scenarios that could have followed that question for weeks. She needed to stop that.

Clark had seemed jealous when she had gone undercover on a date, but then again, Clark always seemed to get over-protective towards the guys around her. What did that even mean? Then she had had that crazy dream where Clark had a starring role as her knight in shining armor. An interesting idea, to be sure, and one that she found unnervingly like déjà vu. At least it didn't make her skin tingle like the dreams of the caped man.

Then Chloe's wedding had come along. That day was just too much for Lois. After organizing the wedding, being the maid of honor, dealing with the dashing Clark in a suit, almost kissing him, facing all of his past with Lana at the worst moment, talking to Ollie about the fiasco, and then losing her cousin all over again, Lois was deflated in mind, body, and spirit. She couldn't deal with the Clark and Lana rollercoaster from hell again. She wouldn't. Not now. Not when every day made her feel more and more that Clark was becoming hers. A preposterous assumption at one point, but now it was the undercurrent in her life.

Jimmy had only fanned the flame of curiosity by saying that they would go great together. She was more inclined to believe him before Lana had shown up. She had tried to tell herself that Clark still needed to clear up things with his doe-eyed ex. She couldn't help but feel jealous, though. This should be her time and her turn. Faced with Lana back in Smallville, things felt too much like old times…old times that included Lois barely being a blip on Clark Kent's shockingly small radar. She would rather sit with a comatose Jimmy in some Star City hospital than watch Clark unintentionally rip out Lois' heart with every moment he spent with Lana. She couldn't stand there in person and watch Clark forget she existed. She was tired, so she retreated.

She wouldn't play second fiddle. She knew that for sure. She wouldn't try to push her way into something more with him if she didn't have his full attention. She could drive herself crazy with over-thinking, relish the moments they were alone, be completely breathless after their intense looks and gazes, feel the goose-bumps and warmth that came with his touch, and wonder if he felt any of it. But she would have to wait to know for sure. She would have to wait, again or still, until he was ready. She may have initiated that exceedingly frustrating almost-kiss, but she couldn't attempt that now. She _needed_ him to come around.

That song was right: the waiting is the hardest part. Sometimes, at night when she was alone in her apartment, she would feel so nervous. She would just curl up in front of her TV, watching mindless shows, shaking all over. They must be variations on panic attacks. She usually found a way to drown her fears in wine and song, but that didn't actually solve anything. She could just get overwhelmed thinking about all this. She would be trapped thinking about what everything could mean, getting carried away by thoughts of the future that lingered on the line between being realistic or absolutely impossibly idealistic.

She could see them together so easily. She truly felt that there was more to those moments between them. She wouldn't just give up on him because of his past. She knew she was beginning to need him more than anyone else. She couldn't help hoping that her time would come. She wanted him to want her and only her.

She just had to wait. She could do that. Wait here with these thoughts. Wait for him. Wait for them.

************

AN: Just a quick one-shot for some Lois-love! I'll be finishing up Distraction soon. I've got some distractions in my own life holding it on the back-burner.


End file.
